The Perks of Being Alone
1. You can wear whatever you want. What joy! You can’t imagine the hours I’ve spent throughout my life tearing through my closet, poring over my clothes, changing multiple times, all to impress my friends. To get the “Nice dress” compliment or the even more desirable “You have such great style.” Being alone, having no friends? It completely frees you from that! I can quite literally wear anything I want with little to no consequence, since the only comments I can elicit will now be said behind my back, by people who are non-friends, people I don’t care about. I can wear the same outfit once, twice, three times a week even, and no one would be any the wiser. Oh, the freedom
2. Complete control over your schedule. I mean how annoying is it when you’ve been planning to have a nice, cozy Friday night in watching Community reruns on Hulu and wolfing down Chinese food, when completely out of the blue you get a text, “We’re going out tonight! R u coming?” Now of course theoretically you could say no, but what applies in theory often cannot be translated in practice, so out of guilt and obligation, you go. Forced against your will, you attend a dull party filled with post adolescents proving their independence by binge drinking and engaging in reckless drug abuse and unprotected sex while you sit in the corner wishing you were on the internet. Having no friends completely eliminates these conundrums from your life! I am virtually never forced to go somewhere against my will out of guilt or personal obligation. No friends=no parties=more internet. A complete win/win/win situation
3. You can play whatever music you want, at whatever volume suits you. More importantly, you aren’t forced to feign interest in your friend’s latest band of the moment’s whiny music.
4. You can watch whatever tv show, movie, youtube videos you want. No more forced laughter at the latest viral video that you find inane but your best friend can’t stop watching.
5. You can fart! All the time! Who Cares!
6. The freedom to wear no pants is granted. All the time. As soon as you close that door, the pants fall down and the bra comes off. Freedom.















